Shoes That Have Made My List for Ugly!
I’ve resisted this, but I can’t hold back any longer. The Ugly Shoes Top Ten.
The following list is, in my opinion, the ugliest footwear a person can place upon their tootsies. There are some obvious choices, if you’ve followed my rants, and some I have never mentioned.
10. Loafers. More importantly loafers that mimics street wear. Loafers are and will always be for loafing. You loaf around the wet bar in your wood panel basement entertainment room. Or you loaf around your knick knacks vault. But you do not loaf around the night club in these. Why, I ask why, for the love of … why?
9. Furry Boots. These things started showing up at the raves, because some 16 year old snuck in and thought this would help her be funky, got into a rave or two and set a trend. Or, this was a manufactured trend. I’m not sure how this one happened, however, at the end of the night, these things just make you look fat. FAT!. No other way to describe it. Fatty-Fatty-Fat-fat!
8. Athletic sandals. Made for athletic endeavours, I can understand why some people confuse these things with regular street wear. For one thing, they never take off their track sweats to begin with. (Someone should invent a track pant skirt – Oops – too late!) However, these shoes have also been embraced by the Granola and Twig crowd, as a dressier version of their Birkenstocks, however, the main infraction – they combine these things with socks. Oh the humanity!
7. Rubber boots. These I have seen people wearing out to functions, shopping, and even to restaurants. Have they no shame. Have they no decent understanding that these boots were made for the purpose of walking through swamp land. These are made for grounds keepers and their ilk… not a night out on the town.
6. Birkenstocks. Praised as the orthopedic shoe of the future. Adopted by the granola and twig crowd. Many a peace march could not have taken place without the Birkenstocks. Most hippies deflected into the corporate world, after they discovered they had to make a living to pay for the VW bus payments, have held onto this footwear to keep them grounded. It reminds them of when they communed with the whales off the BC coast while Phish played on their cassette decks.
5. Clogs. I’ve heard it said people dance in these monstrosities. They are dangerously close to resembling the Earth shoes of the 1970’s, a shoe touted as a cure to those who had foot discomfort as it mimicked the natural way people walk on the sand on a beach. Until it was proven they caused more harm than good and actually tore your tendons to shreds. Beach, yeah fine. Try walking like your on a beach on concrete in these shoes for a period of time… not so good!
4. Marge Simpson shoes. 
Or more commonly known as ballet slippers or flats. These are shoes of last refuge. They are worn by those with no idea of taste. It leads one into wearing footwear numbers 3, 2 and 1. It’s a gateway shoe to footwear abuse.
3. Uggs. These things are close to being number one in ugliness. They make all women’s feet seem to resemble hoofs. Who concocted these things as footwear should be made to wear them day in and day out as they toil away in the oil fields of Siberia.
2. Flip Flops. This, as anyone knows, was my most hated form of footwear. But it has been surpassed by an even uglier shoe. However, by the sheer number of these flip flops being worn out there in the streets, it has a unique ugliness all to themselves. They were meant for the beach, and as beach wear, are unsurpassed. As formal wear, or even a shoe to go shopping in… I mean…really now! Only… only if all your other shoes perished in a fire.
1. Crocs. This is a recent entry as number one. In this part of the world, apparently, Mellonville had been spared this hideous form of footwear, but by mid-summer, they had shown up in all the stores and the garish colours (there is no pleasing colour ever chosen for this shoe) are to be had. They go beyond hideous into a dimension even String Theory can not fathom. For all that is sacred, forbid yourself from purchasing this footwear forged by Lucifer himself!There you have it. My top ten of the ugliest footwear. But here’s a site that really keeps an eye on all this.
http://www.shoewawa.com/ugly_shoes/index.html
Make sure you have broadband DSL before hitting this site as there are loads of pictures of the ugliest shoes imaginable. This site also has a good run-down of the most beautiful as well.
But it makes me think. My top ten has all the same shoes that Shoewawa has on her listings. These are truly ugly shoes. Why, for the love of… why do most people wear them then?
It’s mind boggling and before I devolve into a treatise on the psychopathic nature of humanity to pathologically pick the ugliest shoes to soothe childhood trauma, I will resist.
Let’s just say. Stop it!. Take my list and weed out your closet!
Heelfully Yours
Gillian
gillian@thefetishlair.com
www.thefetishlair.com
posted by The Fetish Lair @ 10:43 p.m.
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